I'm Sorry

[BluemilkAddict77]

Hey, I feel like I owe some people an apology, I've been saying some crazy stuff, like Incel Maxxing, and I would like to apologize, I haven't been alright for a while right now, emotionally or physically. I would like to give some info on myself to maybe best clarify my state of mind right now.

I'm 21yo, 206lbs 5"9 (not of muscle), for EU that is 93kg, Basically I'm Obese, SHOCKER right, also in College right now pursuing a Computer Science degree, however right now I'm just doing a bunch of prereq courses in a community college, I have an Exam due on the 14th, and I've done jack shit and my grade Rn is a 35, which is actually not my fault if you'll believe it, a glitch happened on my first exam, and it kicked me out. This PreCalc Course I've had to retake because of this MOD and this dumb addiction, and it's looking like I'm gonna have to take it AGAIN if I don't do well on the next 2 exams, also I've been sick and the guilt of reinstalling and sickness has done a number on my mind.

when I had my steam deleted I lost like 20lbs, been a tough winter and a relapse and gained it all back, so I just get into this state of mind where I hate everybody, I don't want to be here, these people aren't my friends, move on, just move on, and while your steam is in the process of being deleted (which takes 30 days), you aren't allowed to buy any games, so it's not like I can just buy gmod to make new friends, I have to wait, I feel like I'm in a 2 weeks notice with a job that I really hate.

Speakings of jobs I'm Unemployed, NO WAY, it's almost like when I say rude things to people it's projection, who would've thought, thing is I would probably be working a construction job or smth but I'm FAT AF and would probably die on the first day of the job, anyways the point is when I say hateful things its usually because I hate myself, like a lot.

I think this has been the worst gaming experience of my life, next to maybe battlefront 2 cause I had an addiction with that game while I was in highschool, cheating just to play it for 8hrs a day, got like top 3 leaderboard everytime but at the cost of being +50lbs, last good star wars memory I've had was playing lego star wars at my friends house, that was 15 years ago.

Right now I'm just counting down the days till the 21st, so I can start getting my shit together, gonna hit the gym this summer and get back on my indie game dev journey

 

[Sir.Muis]

Dear Bluemilk,

I hope you will find the help and love you need.
Be Guided to your special place.

Greetings,
Muis

 

[Manlet]

good shitpost

 

[hera]

I know what it’s like to just be waiting for something to happen. Like being in a shitty uncomfortable place, and there’s nothing to do except wait for X date to arrive. That stuff is actually really damaging on the soul. Be nice to your self and don’t let this nasty part of your life carry over when it’s finished!

“We are all addicts, after all.”
Hang in there!

 

[BlazeLovely]

i think what u need is a job

 

[hera]

Follow the things you care about most. Disown the desires that everybody else has for you, and disown things that have proven themselves to be addictions. You are so young. You don’t make big sweeping decisions at that age.

Nobody can tell you what you need except to embrace yourself in the most authentic way possible. And my advice is to be kind to yourself. Quit the judgement. No more “I’m such a fat loser I’m gross”… always frame your thoughts with a positive twist: “I love you and I’m trying my best”. It’s not some woo-woo thing to have positive self talk. It really matters and it shapes your reality.

Don’t judge the judging either. That’s the first trap. “I’m such a judgemental asshole..” Nope! Just go “oh look I’m judging again haha” and let it dissolve.

 

[Manlet]

i think what u need is a job

I think the US Military is in need of recruits right now , they might teach him some discipline too.

 

[MasterBaiter]

BlueMilk should learn how to concentrate on his studies.

 

[Crusader]

I just get into this state of mind where I hate everybody, I don't want to be here, these people aren't my friends, move on, just move on, and while your steam is in the process of being deleted

you're playing real life mb2. think of it that way and im sure ull feel better.

 

[hera]

edit: [REDACTED MELTDOWN]

Have some empathy, plz. If you read both of his posts it's obvious that this stuff is too specific to be made up without experiencing that kind of suffering yourself. Sometimes the joke switch needs to be set to 'off'!

 

[BlazeLovely]

it's like.. you are playing on telos and had to go AFK because your dog was trying to hump the cat again and the sound of the cat screaming for help annoys the 82 y o neighbor who was in the army and you can swear you've heard him mutter to himself in german so u fear he might pull a luger and turn ur cat into soup but then when u come back to ur PC u see your character is surrounded by landmines whilst im rebel who is your teammate btw is standing right next to you with landmines on his hand, and as soon as you move your mouse he says "lol" in chat.
sure, you can accept defeat and stay there, waiting for the enemies to reach you. perhaps you even decide to end it all by just walking in any direction, but although the situation might seem unwinnable and the odds are certainly against you there's indeed hope, for you might yet pull a full health regeneration in !spin and be able to tank the explosion from the mines. surviving this scenario will leave you scarred and deformed, but i assure you, your resolve will be stronger than ever.
what's my point with this? i have no idea, i'm just writing words and seeing where i land. i do that a lot. i wanted to buy ice cream today but decided against it. that said, enough words, they will take us nowhere. it is time to take action my friend, perhaps then you'll make sense of what i've said and my point will become clear, perhaps not. you'll never know unless you go, you'll never shine if you don't glow.