What makes Sylvar's videos excel is the fast-paced and exciting editing, try and see an angle to each clip (you've sort of already done that) but spend more time into developing. Make sure that your video doesn't become uniform and introduces new elements like how Sylvar will zoom in on chat for comedic emphasis, apply pictures or gifs to situations or speed up the video so it doesn't drag on. On that last point the first clip should've gone on briefly and would've been enhanced if it was sped up. Some of the captions were a little unnecessary, its generally best to rely on what's said in-game because most of the time its lulztastic anyway, and also some of the timing was off on the audio and visual subtitle representation.